Michelle and Katherine are still grieving their dads

This Father’s Day we recognise those who have lost their fathers and chat to Michelle and Katherine about how they are navigating what has become a difficult time of the year following their devastating losses.
Michelle Keighran and her father Allan shared a strong bond “from the get go”.
“Dad and I were so similar, both early risers, loved sport especially the footy, but most of all we shared a silly sense of humour and could find the funny side in just about anything,” Michelle, 49, tells 9honey.
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“My father invented dad jokes and he’d have me in curled over with my stomach hurting and he’d wait for the snort (sound of my laugh) and that was kind of a clear indication, the joke was funny,” she says.
He was so proud of her media career which has included radio and as a TV sports reporter.
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“Dad use to pack up the family and the caravan every year for three weeks and set up camp at Old Bar, a beachside town not far from Taree,” she recalls, adding that he created “so many simple yet wonderful memories”.
“Amongst all that fun, Dad managed to provide a strong foundation which was built on honesty, work ethic accountability understanding and just being kind. He was and always will be my superheroes.”
Aside from Cherry Ripes and a drink here and there, Allan did his best to look after himself.
Allan died from prostate cancer a year ago at the age of 68 “so we are approaching the second Father’s Day without him”.
She admits her first Father’s Day without him was “a bit of a blur”.
“For us, trying very hard to turn the pain into a celebration,” she says, adding that they take the time to think about how fortunate they were to have him in their lives.
“The last three weeks [of his life] his five kids moved into my sister’s home where he was being cared for and during that time we had so many laughs, some scary moments but each one of us spent valuable moments with him,” she says.
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“We all got to say what we needed to, Dad did the same.”
Allan died on a Saturday morning after a particularly difficult night. She says they knew it was time.
“We told him to rest, go to sleep and wait for us. I’m not going to lie, I did ask him to sort some Lotto numbers for us, that’s what mean about our poor sense of humour at the ring time, I know he literally died laughing,” she says.
“We couldn’t have asked for more than all of his loved ones in the same room holding his hand and listening to him take his last breath. Oh, it hurt, but the peace in his face, no more agony was so much comforting.”
When Michelle thinks of her dad today she thinks of happiness, love and good times but can’t help but think of the milestones he will miss out on including weddings and birthdays.
“I’m seeking comfort in the fact I know he is with us in some way,” she says.
Katherine Kirk remembers bushwalking and camping with her dad Terry.
“We also had a little holiday house at Ocean Beach so there are lots of family memories of spending entire summer holidays up there,” she tells 9honey.
“I remember Dad pointing out Santa Claus flying across the moon up there, walking along the beach collecting pipis and fishing over at Woy Woy,” Katherine, 47, recalls.
She used to join him during school holidays “helping around the office.’
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“He would also take us all into his office on News Year’s Eve to watch the fireworks on the harbour which was always very cool and something I miss,” she adds.
Katherine describes his parenting style as “laissez-faire” which used to stress her mum.
“He took us to see the Ghostbusters movie when I was young and I ended up having nightmares for months,” she remembers. “Another time he drove off at the petrol station and left my younger brother and sister sitting on the curb waiting for him to realise.”
Most importantly, she always remembers him being around.
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“He was also very proud of his kids and he would always have our back if anything went awry,” she says. “We knew we could always call him, even as adults, and he would be there to help sort things out.”
Her five children love sharing stories of their ‘Pa’ whom she says had a “unique sense of humour.”
She says dad Terry “always wanted us all to achieve the best we could”.
“Dad and I could certainly also butt heads but I miss even that,” she says. “My dad was certainly one of a kind. He could annoy you and then make you laugh in the space of five minutes and definitely always spoke his mind.”
Her dad died in August 2018, and the following year her brother Nick passed away in August 2019 from illness “so August is a tough month and especially in the lead up to Fathers Day each year.”
“My dad passed away from prostate cancer, which he had been diagnosed with a decade earlier.” She says he managed well through diet, exercise and medical treatment.
“But eventually we could see Dad’s health was failing,” she says. “So Mum spent alot of time taking him to places he liked spending time like Ocean Beach. My sister Jo was married in May 2018 up at Port Douglas and we travelled there as a family.
“Dad was ill by then but was determined to get there and walk Jo down the aisle. It was a big family effort but we got there and it is a very special family memory.”
She is grateful her father was able to meet her husband Chris before his death.
“Dad had always said he never wanted to get old and he lived such a busy, active life that he would have hated being stuck in one place for too long so he definitely went out on his terms,” she says. “He lived life to the fullest.”
“I miss Dad and I am sad for my brother’s children as they were all quite young and miss him as well,” she says. “I miss the family gatherings we would have for Father’s Day. Life is certainly busy with kids, their activities, work, volunteering, study and sport but I am starting to wind things back and make more time for me.
“Otherwise the years just fly past in a blur.”
If you or someone you know is in need of support following loss contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue.